Do you ever put your child’s artwork on the fridge even if it isn’t pretty or forever keep a personalized card from a loved- one? I’m pretty sure we all do this to some extent. Why do we do this? Do you think, perhaps, we keep and display items like this because of the emotions that are imprinted on them? A youngster’s picture might be sloppy, but the sincere effort exerted warms our hearts and provokes feelings of love and connection. The sloppy becomes adorable. In other words, our loved one feels an affection for us that spills out onto the paper, and the paper carries that emotion to our hearts. It has meaning, and we want to see it, savor it, and remember it.
But did you know that writing out your negative, painful emotions can be a way to process and heal them? There is a homework assignment that I sometimes extend to my clients when they are feeling overwhelmed with life, and it goes like this:
1. Take out a piece of paper. Write out everything that is making you feel annoyed, irritated, angry, and confused. Don’t worry about punctuation or whether you are using the right words. Just get it out. Take everything that you are feeling inside that isn’t fair or that makes you feel bad, and put it on paper. Write until you are done. It might be one page; it might be ten. You’ll know when you are done.
(Side note: you’ll feel much better after you are finished with this part of the assignment because you will have transferred your negative emotions from inside of you to the paper. You may feel so much better that you will think you are done, but this is only half of the assignment.)
2. Set the paper aside for a while—maybe for an hour, maybe for a day. “Let the dust settle.”
3. When you’re ready to come back to the assignment, use a notebook that you plan to save. As soon as you’re relaxed and comfortable, start by putting the date at the top of the page. Then envision a mentor that you trust walking you through what you will write. Many people like to invite God to come sit with them. Whatever feels right to you is best. You’ll “show” them your previous paper—all the yucky stuff you wrote—and ask them to show you what they see. What you’re looking for here is truth.
4. Now you’ll address each emotion that you wrote down before, but you’ll address it with truth—seeing things as they really were and as they really are instead of seeing them from your previous place of anger, frustration, and confusion. Looking at things from this new perspective literally puts you above the fray. You
are now observing your situation from a place where you can see the bigger picture. You have not only stepped outside of your emotions, you have also stepped outside of your narrow vision. No matter how open-minded you think you are, you have blind spots. We all do.
5. Again, write until you know you are finished. Then destroy the first paper. There is no need to keep that negativity around; it has served its purpose. You will keep the truth part of the assignment in your notebook.
Here is an example of how this might look:
Part one: I’m mad at everyone. I don’t have time for this. No one cares about me and no one listens to me. They only come to me when they need something done. I feel so unappreciated. No one understands me......
Part two (after some time has passed): I have a real gift for throwing parties. People recognize my talents and come to me for help. I like to help, but my time is limited. I don’t have to do everything. It is okay to say no sometimes. People understand, and my time is valuable. I can help my neighbor put together a great event if I feel I have time. If I don’t, I can give some suggestions or help with something small. I see that I am a blessing to my friends. They enjoy my company and not just my talent. I am worthy and deserving of having healthy boundaries while still connecting with people I care about.
I can’t think of a better homework assignment to start off a new year! This assignment should become an antidote each time you feel out of sorts. Emotions for good or bad need to come out. When difficult emotions come out on paper, they become tangible and give us something from which to learn. And when emotions are good, share them with others!
Speaking of good: remember to keep the good! Keep your child’s indiscernible picture of your family. Keep the love note from your significant other or the heart-felt, written thank you note from a dear friend. These are happy, loving emotions, and we want to remember them. I hope this new year is filled with joy, laughter, and gratitude for the difficulties that help you grow. d’s artwork on the fridge even if it isn’t pretty or forever keep a personalized card from a loved- one? I’m pretty sure we all do this to some extent. Why do we do this? Do you think, perhaps, we keep and display items like this because of the emotions that are imprinted on them? A youngster’s picture might be sloppy, but the sincere effort exerted warms our hearts and provokes feelings of love and connection. The sloppy becomes adorable. In other words, our loved one feels an affection for us that spills out onto the paper, and the paper carries that emotion to our hearts. It has meaning, and we want to see it, savor it, and remember it.
But did you know that writing out your negative, painful emotions can be a way to process and heal them? There is a homework assignment that I sometimes extend to my clients when they are feeling overwhelmed with life, and it goes like this:
1. Take out a piece of paper. Write out everything that is making you feel annoyed, irritated, angry, and confused. Don’t worry about punctuation or whether you are using the right words. Just get it out. Take everything that you are feeling inside that isn’t fair or that makes you feel bad, and put it on paper. Write until you are done. It might be one page; it might be ten. You’ll know when you are done.
(Side note: you’ll feel much better after you are finished with this part of the assignment because you will have transferred your negative emotions from inside of you to the paper. You may feel so much better that you will think you are done, but this is only half of the assignment.)
2. Set the paper aside for a while—maybe for an hour, maybe for a day. “Let the dust settle.”
3. When you’re ready to come back to the assignment, use a notebook that you plan to save. As soon as you’re relaxed and comfortable, start by putting the date at the top of the page. Then envision a mentor that you trust walking you through what you will write. Many people like to invite God to come sit with them. Whatever feels right to you is best. You’ll “show” them your previous paper—all the yucky stuff you wrote—and ask them to show you what they see. What you’re looking for here is truth.
4. Now you’ll address each emotion that you wrote down before, but you’ll address it with truth—seeing things as they really were and as they really are instead of seeing them from your previous place of anger, frustration, and confusion. Looking at things from this new perspective literally puts you above the fray. You
are now observing your situation from a place where you can see the bigger picture. You have not only stepped outside of your emotions, you have also stepped outside of your narrow vision. No matter how open-minded you think you are, you have blind spots. We all do.
5. Again, write until you know you are finished. Then destroy the first paper. There is no need to keep that negativity around; it has served its purpose. You will keep the truth part of the assignment in your notebook.
Here is an example of how this might look:
Part one: I’m mad at everyone. I don’t have time for this. No one cares about me and no one listens to me. They only come to me when they need something done. I feel so unappreciated. No one understands me......
Part two (after some time has passed): I have a real gift for throwing parties. People recognize my talents and come to me for help. I like to help, but my time is limited. I don’t have to do everything. It is okay to say no sometimes. People understand, and my time is valuable. I can help my neighbor put together a great event if I feel I have time. If I don’t, I can give some suggestions or help with something small. I see that I am a blessing to my friends. They enjoy my company and not just my talent. I am worthy and deserving of having healthy boundaries while still connecting with people I care about.
I can’t think of a better homework assignment to start off a new year! This assignment should become an antidote each time you feel out of sorts. Emotions for good or bad need to come out. When difficult emotions come out on paper, they become tangible and give us something from which to learn. And when emotions are good, share them with others!
Speaking of good: remember to keep the good! Keep your child’s indiscernible picture of your family. Keep the love note from your significant other or the heart-felt, written thank you note from a dear friend. These are happy, loving emotions, and we want to remember them. I hope this new year is filled with joy, laughter, and gratitude for the difficulties that help you grow.